Welcome to Star Trekking, my attempt to share points of interest and random intersections in the final frontier.
Today, we go where no memoir has gone before.
Last fall, during that glorious interregnum between getting vaccinated and the rise of the Delta variant, I flew to New York City. Only my second visit, I made sure this time to explore the Strand bookstore. It happened to be the very week that Brent Spiner’s novel, Fan Fiction, arrived in stores, and the Strand had a few signed copies. How could I resist?
I brought it home and placed it on my shelf of signed books, right beside the crown jewel of my collection.
And there on my shelf Spiner’s novel sat, because I had no intention of reading it.
I listened to the audiobook instead.
Truth be told, I did not rush into it. I feared that the promised inclusion of the voices of Patrick Stewart, Gates McFadden, and other TNG castmates would feel intrusive and gimmicky. I also worried that the novel as a whole would be, well, a little self-serving and maybe even a bit smarmy.
I am pleased to report that I was wrong on all counts. The novel is a delight and it feels as if the audio format should be the preferred way to experience it. Spiner is the perfect narrator.
The book begins with an enjoyable prologue relating Spiner’s life before being cast as Data. At prologue’s end he gives us this assurance. “Everything I have written thus far is absolutely true. But the story I’m about to tell is not.”
Chapter one then opens like this.
The second worst part of my job is wearing makeup. The worst is taking it off. The only thing that will cut through my thick mask at the end of a 16 hour day is a kerosene-based product called Eliminate. In case you missed it, I said kerosene. I’ve doubtless swallowed at least a gallon of the stuff in an attempt to rid myself of every fleck of gold powder that has worked its way into the pores and orifices of my head. If anything is being “eliminated,” it's several layers of skin and the well-being of a couple of internal organs.
So you can immediately sense there will be some truth in there along with fiction. The book really does feel like a pretty accurate reflection of Spiner’s life during the heyday of TNG, circa season four. Except, of course, for the pig penis.
Seems an unhinged fan sent Spiner a threatening letter along with a pig penis. A stunningly attractive FBI agent is called in, suspicious characters are introduced, Patrick Stewart performs A Christmas Carol, and, ultimately, a suitably noir-ish conclusion is reached.
The cover bills Fan Fiction as “a Mem-noir, inspred by true events.” How much is literally true will forever be hidden, but I sure had fun listening to Spiner tell his tall tale. And the addition of other TNG cast members to voice themselves (along with some professional audiobook actors to perform the other non-Spiner characters) really helps sell the tale. Rather than feeling intrusive, they’re a lovely peppering of color and verisimilitude that enhance the production. Best of all, though, is Spiner himself. He paints a humorously realistic picture of an actor still struggling with his own self-esteem as well as his past.
But don’t go into this thinking it is truly a memoir. It is decidedly not. While the atmosphere and details of life in LA ring true, the overall story follows the consequences of getting threatening mail rather than exploring the life on a Star Trek set. This is a sometimes over-the-top noir-ish tale, but with Spiner as the hapless victim instead of being the Dixon Hill in charge. There are a lot of laughs, some great lines and descriptions, and even a touch of pathos as we learn more about Spiner’s childhood. Are his childhood stories true? Again, we may never know, but they feel of a piece with the character “Brent Spiner” who tells the story. I loved it. I may even take my hardback off the shelf and read it, with Spiner’s familiar voice easily in my head.
When I mentioned the book on Twitter, I got some good replies, my favorite of which was this.
MEANWHILE…
Whoopsie.
Warp speed!
And speaking of Prodigy.
Okay, sure.
Star Trek Theory Claims Kirk Was Killed & The Movies Aren't Real
I did not know this was a thing.
And, finally, ST:TMP theme on harp, played by Francois Pernal.
Please forgive me for writing the words “pig penis.” It is Brent Spiner’s fault.
Until next time, remember -
The human adventure is just beginning.